(Washington, D.C.) In a security scare at the White House today, President Clinton was caught sneaking out for a job interview by the Secret Service. “We all know I’m out of a job soon,” an unrepentant Bill Clinton said to the press.  “I’m just trying to line up a new position.  I have bills to pay, too.” The situation became charged when Clinton slipped away from his Secret Service escort at 12:15pm.  White House sources, speaking on the condition of anonymity, report the Secret Service assumed that Clinton had simply gotten the munchies and headed to MacDonald’s in search of sustenance.  When Clinton was nowhere to be found at any area fast food establishments, the Secret Service hit the panic button. Daily life in Washington was disrupted as the Secret Service, in conjunction with the Police Department, FBI, and the concerned owner of the local Dommy’s Pizza conducted a building-to-building search for the missing head of state. “It was awful,” cried Rita Miltown, receptionist at Bumbling Associates, a local e-commerce consulting firm.  “Men in blue suits, guns and sunglasses rushing everywhere with no explanation what they were doing.  And that awful pizza man spilled sauce all over the reception chairs.” Eventually, President Clinton was discovered in the offices of the law firm of Dewy, Fleezum & Howe, where he was interviewing for a partner position.

“I’d planned on hiding under a desk and avoiding capture,” Clinton explained.  “But that pizza smelled so good, and like many Americans, the only time I could sneak out to interview was over my lunch hour.  It just goes to show that all Americans are alike, regardless of color, creed, or position, when it comes to food and trying to better your employment situation without alarming your current employer.”

President Clinton expressed hope that being caught interviewing for a job would not result in an impeachment hearing and wished to assure all other potential employers that although he was caught this time, he would be extra careful for his next interview and that he had not yet decided on his next career move.  Clinton further asked the American people for suggestions on how he could slip out to Hollywood and back without exceeding his lunch break.

“I still have a family to provide for,” Clinton summarized his situation.  “And I still wear the pants in my family.  Well, until Hillary gets elected anyway.  Until then, I’ll be out interviewing.”