There’s trouble in Madison Square Garden. It seems the fans and Coach Isiah Thomas have been having unpleasant conversations during games. To help out the Garden’s beleaguered PR staff, we have prepared the first song in:

The New York Knicks Hymnal

Isiah loves me! This I know,
For the media rep flanking him tells me so;
Heckling fans, to him are wrong;
They are weak, but he is strong.

Yes, Isiah loves me!
Yes, Isiah loves me!
Yes, Isiah loves me!
His media rep tells me so.

Isiah loves me! This I know,
Like he coached so long ago,
Taking fans across his knee,
Saying “Don’t even think about crossing me.”

Isiah loves me still today,
Shouting at me on my way,
Wanting all the fans to give,
Light and love, it should be his.

Isiah loves me! His court case died
The settlement, it opened wide;
Time will wash memory and sin,
Let his contract renewal come in.

Isiah loves me! He will stay;
Dolan would never make him go away;
Look at the record of my team;
Oh, well, at least the Celtics are on TV.