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Something Else to Drink with Your Vodka | Indignant Online
Indignant Online

Something Else to Drink with Your Vodka

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Vodka is a very popular mixing drink. You can mix it with just about anything. Coca Cola, orange juice, grenadine, vermouth, cranberry juice, you name it, you can probably mix it. 

Going out this weekend, I noticed a group of young ladies switching between two types of vodka drinks: the ever-trendy vodka and Red Bull; and the more traditional vodka and Diet Coke. 

Red Bull, being a caffeine-laden energy drink, is useful in shaking off the effects of alcohol, making you feel sober and allowing you to stay out partying longer. We’ll just ignore the recent questions about how healthy it is and how many people I’ve met that compared the feeling of slamming a few vodka-Red Bulls to amphetamines. No, let’s concentrate on issue of calories. 

Red Bull is an energy drink. As such, it has a lot of carbohydrates in it. Carbohydrates mean calories. 

These young ladies had been switching between a diet mixer and a much higher calorie mixer, apparently because they were watching their figures. It’s not that some of these ladies shouldn’t have been watching their figures. Truthfully, a couple of them were tipping the scales higher than their doctor would recommend, but all that diet alternated with Red Bull is little more than posturing, from a practical standpoint. Kinda silly, don’t you think? Especially when everybody knows that the lowest calorie alcohol is tequila, not vodka. And if they’re typical club kids, they’re slamming the Red Bull so they can keep partying longer, that is to say, throw down some more liquid calories. 

A pretty vicious cycle for somebody with the pretense of drinking Diet Coke. 

Fortunately, I have a solution for all the calorie-conscious vodka lovers out there. 

No more need for mixing diet drinks and energy drinks with your booze. You’re just denying the inevitable. No, it’s time to give it up and order a vodka and Slim Fast. Why bother with a diet drink when your drink can be part of the diet? Why waste the calories eating a full meal before going to the bar, when the bar can be your meal? It’s a miracle of modern efficiency, with the added bonus of drinking a liquid meal, you’ll probably get ploughed faster and can go home with less alcohol-based calories than ever before.

That’s right, vodka and Slim Fast, for when your feeble attempts at losing weight at the bar just aren’t silly enough.

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