Poor Bill Clinton. He works hard to provide for his family, writing books, giving speeches and consorting with foreign officials… and how does his family pay him back?

Hillary cannot tell a lie, especially where the will of the people is involved. We’re not sure where this strategy comes from, but we’re going to start calling her… Poll-noccio.

There’s new scam on the Chicago El (elevated train or subway, if you’re not from around here). It’s better than “help me, I’m homeless,” much more imaginative than the shell game, which has made a comeback in recent years. For the latest innovation in separating the fool and his money, I give you: The Recidivist Scam.
This has […]

We’ve all met someone like that.  A person who’s in a bar, or perhaps a club, for the sole purpose of having you buy drinks for them.  Preferably, several different you’s, as sharing too much of the sunlight that is their perception of their own life, would be wasted on the sort of tools that […]

First Bill Clinton took the gloves off for Hillary’s presidential campaign. Now he’s taking something else off…

There’s trouble in Madison Square Garden. It seems the fans and Coach Isiah Thomas have been having unpleasant conversations during games. To help out the Garden’s beleaguered PR staff, we have prepared the first song in:
The New York Knicks Hymnal
Isiah loves me! This I know,
For the media rep flanking him tells me so;
Heckling fans, to him […]

(Washington, D.C.) In a security scare at the White House today, President Clinton was caught sneaking out for a job interview by the Secret Service. “We all know I’m out of a job soon,” an unrepentant Bill Clinton said to the press.  “I’m just trying to line up a new position.  I have bills to […]

Washington, D.C. -  In response to growing concern over youth violence, including such incidents as the school shootings in Columbine High School, spitball fights in Brooklyn, and the malicious tack concealed on 3rd grade teacher Jeannie Walton’s chair in Butte, Montana, President Clinton has adopted a new youth policy, embodied in the slogan: “Make Love, […]

(Washington, DC) Earlier today, President Clinton declared Cooties a threat to national Security, and directed the National Security Council to re-examine U.S. policy towards Cooties both at home and abroad.
“This is not just a medical issue,” Clinton said in a prepared statement. “The transmission of Cooties has passed far beyond our school yards and […]